Navel-Gazing

Chasing….’What?’……

Very few times in life you have feeling of elation. Usually it comes with some kind of achievement. When you are young, there are many occasions to get to this feeling. You are new to this world, learning new things and people encouraging you all the way. I remember for me it came when I had 100/100 marks in a test, or when daddy wasn’t running behind my bicycle holding it and I was riding it on my own, or when I had new clothes, new books, or when final exam of a class was over and so on.

Gradually this feeling became sparse, getting good marks was expected, riding bicycle was an exercise, new clothes/books weren’t interesting anymore, and passing a class simply meant dealing with harder work ahead. But still, it was there. When finally studies were over, or when I landed a job, or when I got the taste of financial freedom. I remember having it when I purchased my first smartphone from my salary. But I was dismayed when I found that feeling was only for few hours, not even a day. I didn’t even explore that phone’s functions completely, I was bored that fast.

And then it became almost rare. Nothing will give me that feeling. I could afford things, have achieved what I was expected to, and then no ambition and no elated feeling. Nobody was expecting anything from me (Except people wanting me to get married, but I chose a different path, so this was a moot point). Absence of that feeling makes you feel very listless. Because what is there to life if no joy. And I resented the people who are content with life and they can just be. I just want another adventure but I’m so bored that I don’t want to spend energy exploring another adventure. Do you see what a vicious cycle it is and in the midst is a very wary person, who is not happy without any reason. Any happiness is very short lived and that person is constantly looking for that burst of happiness that will last longer.

But why I’m writing about this today? Because I experienced that feeling after a long time. Do you know how? I bought a printer. For some reasons even unknown to me, I never got a printer. Whenever needed, I went to library or office or even staples. It was a chore but never enough to prompt me buying one. Printers aren’t that expensive, so I could if I wanted to. Anyways, there was a need of some print/scan this time, and I finally bought it. After setting it up, when I printed first page (which was a picture of my dog), I was just so happy. It was like a new toy and I was amazed at the feeling. It lasted 2 days.

So, then while analyzing all these thoughts, I came to the conclusion, that depriving yourself deliberately and not going for instant gratification is also a way to get to that elusive feeling. When you are at a position, where you can afford what you need, key is to wait, and wait, and wait, till the time your subconscious is fooled into thinking that you wont get it, and then one fine day, buy it and you will be happy (at least for 2 days, haha).

Thanks for reading this till end. When I first started writing this, I thought I cracked a mystery, I’m not so sure now. Anyways , off to chasing again. Good luck to you too.

A Fellow Blogger

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